12 AM THOUGHTS

I have been always told to not invest in a relationship other than family. I have been told to never let others design my career. I have been told to always give myself. I have been told to always bear things, even when you are not responsible. I have been told to never expect things. I have been told to build on an identity. I have been told that decision never lies on the book cover. I have been told to be caring for people who are blue. I have been nagged that I was what I build.

And now I am tired, tired of giving myself to the people who never valued me, tired of society blaming me for being bold, tired of people judging me for being immature tired of holding up my thoughts, tired of constantly being ignoring by the ones with whom I once vent my feelings, tired of being silent when I am being blamed, tired of being broken every time I constructed peace within me, tired of getting judgemental looks for the misunderstanding they held upon me, tired of shutting my dreams and work on the materialistic dreams they bring up happiness on other's eyes, tired of being crushed all over again for the way I look, tired for having my interests somewhere else than academics, tired for pointed out for being odd, tired for thinking independent in this patriarchal society, tired of telling people that happiness within us exists when the surroundings are vibrating with positivity, tired for being caged when my wings want to fly and explore this world, tired for shunning my ideas thinking I am worthless.

All after being tired of all these, I am asked to raise a voice that will be unheard, uncared for. They ask me to be like everyone else, which for me is cliché. There are days when I feel the darkness and where I want to end up all the dreams I have built with just a cut, but I didn't for no reason. There are days when I want to disown everything and start my life somewhere else, but the fear of capturing when found held me back.

So here I am being presented with absolutely no dreams to crush on, no feelings to hurt me, no expectations to put on and no words to talk about.

Now I am that numb creature you built up by molding and sculpting away whites and painting it with blacks.